Forrest heartbreaker

Crumpet, the Indian Ringneck Parrot.
Famous ladies man doing his dance de l'amore.

Even the best of us get frustrated sometimes

This is one of the pics taken on the day of my dad and step-mum's wedding.
As you can see here, she'd had enough of the photography for that point in time.

Inspire me, blogosphere!

I'm done with it for now. The feeling sorry for myself stuff. Moving on time now. Really.

This one's about inspiration - and goal setting. It's gotten off to a meh-kinda start, this shindig, but my mind is clear. I want to achieve something with this forum. Maybe actually let it get to a stage where it could warrant being called a forum. Though that would mean mutual contributions, and by that I mean people actually reading this thing (ha!)

But really. I want inspiration, maybe that's what this thing could become, a means to satisfy and show the things in my head that appeal to me, whether it's visual (read: expect more photos) and something I've read (snippets, links and blatant copyright breaches packaged in an ol' cut and paste job).

Yeah. I like it. I was walking back to my car recently with my personal trainer (that's a different story) and she mentioned how crazy the moon looked at the moment (it's full) but it had these streaky clouds running across and it looked like something out of a move. She says "perfect werewolf weather" and I thought yeah, it is - maybe now's the time when they come out, I wondered if we snuck down the beach would they be surfing? Werewolves on surfboards, that'd be cool.

Hmmm. Maybe that's the new movie - An American Werewolf in Hawaii. Cos Ocean Grove just doesn't roll off the tongue as well.

I don't miss this.

That was the thought I had last weekend when I went back to Mildura.

I had to tie up some loose ends, get Diesel, take the majority of his stuff back, catch up with mates, spend some jewellery vouchers.

The end result - I don't regret any of my decisions. I saw him on the Saturday, and there was obviously shit going on - and I took one look at him and thought I don't miss this. I wasn't sure what I would feel, maybe seeing him that way helped. I dunno. He had a cut above his eye, and I asked him what had happened.

"Don't ask," was the reply.

In a past life, I would have pushed, stressed, worried, speculated about what he could have done. Now, I don't. I dont' not care, but the emotions that would have dragged me down into situation just aren't there anymore.

It's kind of liberating, being able to walk away and not feel like I should be responsible or accountable for his actions. It really pushes home my need to concentrate on me and the what hell I'm doing with things. I'm sorting it out slowly, taking my sweet time, got a second job to score some extra cash, chilling out on weekends.

No tenterhooks to be on, no pressure, just me.

(PS: And Diesel).

The semi nouveau riche?

One thing working in the welfare sector has shown me is the vast divide in classes that rears its ugly head in society. If the buzz word "generational poverty" means the same to you as it does me, I won't be offended if you zone out now.

For those woh don't know, generational poverty is a term applied to those families where generations of that family are brought up in identical circumstances. Perhaps the most prevalent example of this would be the Centrelink generation - a semi nouveau riche. These are people who are more often than not born to young mums, on the teat of the taxpayer (note the sudden change in tone?) or put more politically correctly, Centrelink benefits.

I don't want to offend anyone legitimately on benefits, let me make that clear.

Anyway. These particular children are brought up in public housing, or moving frequently from private rental to private rental. Their parents know the welfare system inside out, who gives out what, when they do and how often they can access it. They will gladly tell anyone who will listen that the government doesn't "pay" them enough (yes, they call it pay, like sitting on your bum with Foxtel, Radio Rentals and Cash Converter debts up the whazoo qualifies them to deem their cash flow of taxpayer dollars to be akin to actual paid work).

They expect everything, and contribute nothing - them as children are taught that whoever has the loudest voice, or is obnoxious enough to make a scene in public gets the best results. Then, at the ripe age of 16, they have their first child - the earlier the better, because more children equals more money, and if you're in the market or living in public housing you get a bigger house.

This sounds extremely cynical, and don't doubt me, I acknowledge that it is. For the most part it's true. I speak with the knowledge and experience of having worked in this sector for over 12 months, and you learn things fast. There is certainly room for compassion; it is a major component of our daily work. You take things with a grain of salt, give them the benefit of a doubt the first time. Then the faces become familiar, the excuses the same.

For every one case that is genuine, the exception to the rule, there are the countless others who are there to use and abuse the system that is designed to help those most in need. Like I said, this is nothing new. The simple fact of teh matter is that as long as there are allowances for this type of behaviour to continue, so it will. I'm not sure what the solution is, but I think people need to be held more accountable and educated, equipped with tools to break their own cycles of generational poverty.

In search of self

I've called time on things. He's gone home, this is it.
I need to work myself out, find out who I am. I had a massive realisation that I don't know anymore.

I think what's happened is I've given so much of myself to him, focusing on him, trying to give him every opportunity to take things up, some responsibility for what's going on and begin the plan to make things better time and time again, and every time fall back into apathy - that there's nothing left, I have nothing left to give. Things don't feel like a relationship anymore - so I've put a stop to it.

It's going to be like How Stella Got Her Groove Back, in a sense. I'm going to get to know myself again, sort some things out in my head and actually work out what I want from life. I've already decided I want to travel - I'm renewing my passport. I also want to relax - that's a major one. I wan to not have something always hanging over my head, time to just be - take things in, breathe, read, sleep - whatever grabs me.

Think of it as my mid-year resolution.