Awesome

http://www.news.com.au/technology/girl-talks-new-album-inspires-wave-of-web-mash-ups/story-e6frfro0-1225963203711

Book fetish

I love books. Since I was a little girl I’ve loved the whole idea of escaping into an alternate universe and imagining what it would be like to live someone else’s life.

I can remember falling in love with books when I was younger; it was Enid Blyton that took up a lot of my reading time. The book I loved the most was Bimbo and Topsy. It was about a cat and a dog and all of their adventures around the house. Absolutely loved it. Others included The Magical Faraway Tree collection (even then I snickered to myself when I saw one of the girls’ names was Fanny).

Aside from them, I don’t remember many other books actually being on my bookshelf, the rest were procured from the school and community library. I remember reading The Adventures of Blinky Bill (yes, it is actually a large book) and The Magic Pudding (I still have that one). Also, Paul Jennings. His books, starting off with Uncanny! (I think) were the hot-ticket item in our school library. Whenever a new one came out, the line to borrow it next stretched on for ages.

I also read a few classics, and by today’s standards obscure books; like Great Expectations, The Secret Garden, Anne of Green Gables, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, The Silver Sword (I think that’s what it was called), Black Beauty (like most girls I went through a horse-crazy phase) and the Flowers in the Attic series. I guess at the time I wasn’t overly concerned about analysing them, if the plot and characters took my fancy I was into it.

In high school, and to this day, I think I’m perhaps the only Australian kid who did not like John Marsden’s Tomorrow When the War Began series. It was prescribed reading one year, and I read it dutifully, but couldn’t get into it. On the other hand, I absolutely loved Looking for Alibrandi. I think most of us did – well, the girls at least.

Then I remember in a Year 9 literature class or something similar choosing to read a book by Sonya Hartnett. It was called Sleeping Dogs and it was a beautifully written, albeit tragic, story about a family living in isolation. I remember speaking about it in a class presentation and the teacher exclaiming: “How interesting! A story about incest, the relationship between these two (main) characters was fascinating!” I started. Hey?! Incest? I picked it up briefly, but never saw it as a key facet of the story. I read it again. Ah yes, there it is, huh. I think that from then on I really began to pay attention to things going on “behind the scenes” in books. I think it’s something that comes with age, and understanding, and maturity.

From there, I moved onto more “adult books”. My step-mum introduced me to Bryce Courtenay via The Potato Factory trilogy; I was hooked. It was also convenient that part of his contract with his publisher states that he puts out a book every year in time for Christmas; between myself, my step-mum and my nana we were well looked after.

The Potato Factory books were probably my most favourite of his, followed closely by April Fool’s Day – I still get teary every time I read that book. Grab it if you ever have the chance. This was largely broken up with the typical library and random book purchase. Nothing overly memorable.

For a while I was reading uni texts, and to be completely honest I really fell out of reading. It was largely library books, and some Jodi Picoult. I have to say I was pissed to hear that the ending of that movie has been changed from that of the book. The whole ending of that book, the beautiful, tragic irony of it is what made the book what it was. I dabbled in Paullina Simons, thanks to my ex-boyfriend, didn’t stick.

So, I drifted. I got really interested in books about Asian history, stories of geishas (not Memories Of, I have not read that yet) and more ancient stories, then moved on again. I discovered, and this is perhaps one of my most prolific finds, the Penguin Classics. Classic books for $9.99. Love it. I’ve read A Clockwork Orange, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and The Picture of Dorian Gray. I’ve just bought Madame Bovary and Of A Boy (another Sonya Hartnett). It’s a great way to read books that in a million years I would never actually go looking for to read or buy, for a minimal investment it’s a no-brainer.

Thanks to some movie on at the cinema I found Twilight, I will admit I enjoyed those books despite the obvious flaws (remember reasoningwithvampires from a previous post). Through my love of podcasts I found The Hunger Games trilogy, this cemented my love of Young Adult fiction. Suzanne Collins used to write for TV; it is apparent in her writing that grabs you by the throat and drags you into this dystopian world where children fight to the death for the entertainment of a privileged few. Amazing books.

Then, strolling through my local Borders (one of my new favourite stores) I saw Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare. Begin current fangirl phase. Her characters are portrayed in such a way that elicits such emotions in her readers it’s insane. From there I went to her current trilogy (Clockwork Angel is the first of a trilogy prequel) City of Bones, Ashes and Glass. Wow wow wow. Totally hooked. The books, along with Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games books, are doing the rounds of my family at the moment.

From there, I found one of Cassandra’s friends Holly Black, and her book White Cat. Again, amazing; I’m trawling through her back catalogue at present now, I just got The Spiderwick Chronicles through one of those office-based book clubs that visit workplaces.

Other great trilogies (sensing a pattern, huh) are His Dark Materials by Phillip Pulman (very controversial for its time, look out for the anti-religion theme for a very innocent sounding set of books) and Shiver, Linger and soon Forever by Maggie Stiefvater.

Wow, I’m exhausted. I might go read a book.

Getting into the festive spirit

Christmas bandanna courtesy Surfcoast Dog Grooming

DeviantART awesomeness

I stumbled across this site, www.deviantart.com

Basically I started off looking at fan art for some of my favourite stories at the moment, and found that there are some amazing artists out there.

Below are some of my faves. Credit where credit's due.

___Clean_Getaway_by_LimeKink

bettas_and_flowers_in_muro_by_loish

Doodle_by_Ithelda

dream_a_little_dream_by_burdge_bug

good_luck_miao_by_blackbanshee80

I_Come_In_Peace_by_Marshall_Bananah

marchin_on_by_apofiss

Paper_Tiger_by_contraomnes

sizes_by_zambi

The_canary_by_blackBanshee80

terrible_am_i_child_by_ashcap

Wolves_by_2x2x2

The_Wolf_Ate_Them_by_ursulav

We__re_All_Mad_Here_by_Ratgirlstudios

Sub-editor's wet dream

I used to be a sub-editor at a newspaper in a past life. I also read Twilight. This site makes a point of correcting grammar and making Stephenie Meyer's work look like it was written by a 12-year-old. Despite being a fan of Twilight, I can see the funny points of these Tumblr posts. Check it at http://reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com/

Thanks to Lucy Carter from JJJ news (@lucethoughts on Twitter) for the heads-up

Homelessness is not child's play

A local radio presenter today quit 2 days into a 5-day stint as a homeless person living on the streets of Geelong.

He spent the first night sleeping in a tunnel in Werribee, the second in his car as he was too afraid to sleep on the streets.

There was talk of him spending a night in the men's crisis facility provided by the homelessness agency I work for, but after some talks with radio station management he's pulling out over genuine fears for his safety.

My thoughts on this whole thing are mixed - on one hand I can admire him doing something I wouldn't have the courage to do, while on the other I do question the seriousness with which they have taken this "stunt".

It's no small thing to sleep rough on the street. Not at all. I see people every day who are doing exactly that. Coming from the country town that I did, my experiences of homelessness in Geelong compared to knocked me flat.

There is no accommodation in Geelong. Next to none. Options are limited, or unsuitable. Waiting lists for public housing are years long, private rentals are too expensive, government assistance barely covers the cost of living and resources available to agencies such as the one I work for are just as limited.

To hear the abuse and accusations that people like myself working at these agencies are not doing enough is frankly insulting. As housing support workers, we are bound by the resources available to us. Basically, if the housing isn't there, then we can't offer it.

One of the presenters on the radio this morning claimed that local services were fudging their figures to make it look less bad than what it was. We have no reason to make it look good - we are underfunded industry. In an ideal world, more homeless would equal more funding and support to decrease those figures. Obviously it doesn't work like that, my point being we have no cause to sugar coat figures.

In a typical day, I see people being evicted from homes for a number of reasons, families sleeping on lounge room floors (if they're lucky) or in cars, paying ridiculous amounts of money for caravan parks, people living literally, on the street. They come in, they use our shower, they listen to us tell them there is no accommodation, they get a food parcel, they walk the streets scouting for a good, relatively safe place to sleep for the night.

Don't tell me we downplay homelessness in Geelong, because we certainly don't. It's not something easily fixed, no fluff and bubble or suitcase of cash is going to solve this, we don't treat it like that - and no-one else should either.

I can see the good in trying to raise awareness of homelessness by sleeping rough for a week, but don't blame the problem on the services that are doing their best to help and certainly don't underestimate what you're getting yourself into when you make the decision to be homeless for a week to right the world. I know of one person who wasn't prepared and didn't like what they found.

Monday

Today smelt like grass clippings and sunshine.

I can hear the sea from my yard, I'm listening to Gotye and reading fanfic before heading off to the gym.

I've been checking pics of Breaking Dawn filming on Twitter today, God I'm sad :P

I've been flogging Art vs Science 'Magic Fountain' in the car today, it's my current driving song.

I'm waiting on a very important phone call, I hope it has what I'm looking for.

I'm off to Mildura in 6 days, not that I'm counting - I've been telling people about Mungo and Perry Sandhills, the river and the bush . . . I'm not sure what to expect when I get back.

The Mentalist is on, there's schnitzels and ice cream waiting, after a gym session . . . awesome.

Free weekend!

Kimbra - Settle Down (Official Music Video HD)

Loving this song. Hooked me the first time I heard it.

This is Oz

I'm all for supporting good causes. This is one of them.

This Is Oz is about celebrating diversity and challenging homophobia and making Australia a place where everyone belongs.

This Is Oz is an online photo gallery where you can help spread the word about GLBT rights by uploading an image of yourself with your message and encouraging friends and family to do the same.

I think it's great that there are forums like this for people to express themselves without recrimination. Paying out on homosexual people is not cool.

Check it out: www.thisisoz.com.au

Bart & Jayden, Torquay - courtesy thisisoz.com.au

Peep inside my (current) playlist

I have a varied taste in music. One look at my iPod has things from lounge, indie, to metal, and electronica. I go through phases with "fadding" on bands. I won't have heard something of theirs for ages then I hear it and fall in love with it all over again. Peep inside my playlist, this is what's rockin my socks at the moment.

As is the case with most things, in no particular order:

The Whitlams

I was at my step-brother and his girlfriend's place in Forrest the other week (funnily enough, that place is in the forest) and The Whitlams were playing on the computer. I hadn't heard their stuff in years (see above intro) and I just had this massive flashback of memories of them. It was all Triple J, Perry Sandhills and political/teen angst all rolled into one.

This song below in particular has always been a favourite, their songs were always so personal, singing about someone with a gambling addiction might not seem deep but it was honest.

Angus and Julia Stone

Another Australian act, this duo blows my mind with its simple lyrics - it's really pretty music, the fact that they are brother and sister makes it easier as then I have no problem wanting to marry Angus :) The first song I heard of theirs was actually Paper Aeroplane, but this song below is my current favourite. Love love love it.

Sia

Yep, definitely flying the Aussie flag here. Sia is awesome, she's been around for ages but her songs are again fun, beautiful, and she's a pretty cool person - doing things her own way that appeals to me. I'm putting two songs down for her, this first one is my feel good track at the moment, while the second is the last song I listen to before going to bed.

The clip for this is amazing too:

John Butler Trio

This is one of the few songs of his I like, I can appreciate he is a self-made act (they produce all their own music) another Triple J alumni. Also a good clip.

Basement Birds

Definitely an Aus-centric post. These guys are like one of those "supergroups" a mecca of great Australian music. From www.basementbirds.com.au : "They can't decide if they're more like The Travelling Wilburys, The Highwaymen or The Three Tenors, but one thing is sure - they're none of those. They're Basement Birds, a unique teaming of four of Australia's premier singer/songwriters within the one group. Think Kevin Mitchell (Jebediah), Josh Pyke, Kav Temperley (Eskimo Joe) and Steve Parkin. Brilliance. I describe their music as the sunny afternoon with a book kind.

The Presets

Hah, that threw you! This group is AWESOME. Electronica, their twitter says "tearing dance music a new asshole" and by golly is it. They're a duo of classically trained musicians who met at the conservatorium and said screw classical, let's do this shit. This track is one of my favourite of favourites, and always ends up being my ringtone on my phone.

Art vs Science

Another awesome group, in the middle of recording an album, get your hands on Flippers and Parlez Vous Francais? But this one, their latest offering is nothing short of fan-fucken-tastic. Makes me want a magic fountain.

Things about me

In no particular order:

1. I worked it out the other day, I have just over a year left to go on my uni degree - I call it my hobby - it will have taken me 7 years in total. It's a Bachelor of Arts (Psychology Major). I want to become a forensic psychologist.

2. If you don't know what a forensic psychologist is, or think it's got something to do with CSI, google it.

3. I google nearly everything. That or Wikipedia.

4. I'm 27 years old, but I've been told a lot lately I look like I'm 21. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

5. Up until a few months ago I had a boyfriend. We broke up but are still friends, today would have been our 7 year anniversary. I regret none of the time we had together, even the bad bits but don't think I could ever tell him that.

6. I used to be a journalist, then I worked in local government, now I work with homeless people.

7. I want to travel more - I went to Italy for 3 weeks when I was 17.

8. I made a promise to myself I wouldn't have kids before I was 30.

9. My taste in music is pretty varied, you can't pigeon-hole me.

10. I love to read, I went off books for a while and was listening to audiobooks, now I'm back into paper. There's something satisfying about having a bookshelf full of books.

11. Sometimes ads on TV make me cry.

12. I can be incredibly sarcastic, rude, and say inappropriate things - almost never intentionally. I like to think I'm just intolerant of bullshit.

13. I take after my dad a lot. We've been through a lot of shit with his first wife (my birth mother) and that taught us to stick together, now he's married again with two step-kids and are lucky to have gotten the family we were supposed to have the second time round.

14. I have a sister, she's 21 this year and has two kids under 5. I haven't spoken to her in a while.

15. I don't drink beer, I had a bad experience with mixing beer after a lot of wine, it involved me passing out in my own vomit under a table for 4 hours. So me and beer are bad friends.

16. I have eczema, people look at it like it's a contagious deadly disease but really, it's not. Google it.

17. I have awesome friends, a lot I don't see often now but the fact we can pick up after however long like it was only 5 minutes makes them true friends I reckon.

18. I love where I live, I used to live in the desert near a river, now I'm 3 streets back from the ocean. My step-brother lives in the forest and works in a lighthouse on the edge of Australia. The contrasts in this country will never cease to amaze me.

19. I love scary rides and rollercoasters, but one day I went up to the top of my step-brother's lighthouse (not his literally, his work) and the wind was blowing a gale, I swear I felt like I was going to get blown off and into the ocean. That was not cool.

20. I have a dog. He's a staffordshire bull terrier, his name is Diesel and he is my life. I'm undecided on kids, Diesel is my baby substitute.

Profound

Last night I had a conversation with someone - I'm not sure if it was interesting, or revealing, or shocking - I don't even know if I could talk to anyone about it in person. I'm not sure how I feel about it - but it was bizarre.

It was with one of the performers on the Blues Train - we were at this house in Point Lonsdale, maybe it was the alcohol or the pot talking - in her spare time she's a psychic. This in itself I am undecided upon, I am a psychology student in my spare time and beliefs in pseudo-psychology like that sits oddly with me, though I don't think I can deny the existence of an awareness of the other in some people.

Anyway. We were talking about connections, she'd seen one between two people we were hanging out with that night and she got to talking about me. She told me that I was a good person, she could see it in my eyes, my smile and my heart.

At this point, I have to admit that I entered the "smile and nod" phase. It was late, I was tired, and to be frank, what she was saying was making me feel uncomfortable. I don't know why, I don't like compliments maybe? It makes me feel awkward.

Then she says that she sees that I am like "a dog with a bone". I worry at things, there are things that I have carried for years, things that people seem to think I can brush off, but I haven't done so. She says to me "you don't have to worry about it anymore".

Oh God. I have this realisation. It's true, the shit, the childhood, the failed relationship, this year - she gets it. Is  it that obvious? Is it one of those things they talk about in pseudo-psychology that generic statements ring true with a certain percentage of people, like horoscopes?

I don't know. It's been bugging me. Do I take it seriously, or do I write it off? What am I even supposed to do with that sort of information?

The day I met an Olive Python - Birregurra Festival 2010

Olive Python
Liasis olivaceus

Description
As one of Australia’s largest snakes, the Olive Python can grow up to four metres in length and weigh up to a massive 25 kgs. Its colour ranges from a dull olive green to chocolate brown, with a pale belly. Olive Pythons have a high scale count, making them appear smoother than other snakes. All pythons are non-venomous but should still be treated with caution.

Habitat
Home for these reptiles is the northern fringe of Australia, from the Pilbara in Western Australia, through to the Northern Territory and parts of Queensland. The live in rocky crevices, deep gorges, hollow logs and burrows under rocks.

Diet
Like other pythons, the animal has infra-red heat pits along its lips that it uses to detect warm-blooded prey. Olive Pythons dine on mammals, including rock wallabies and fruit bats, various reptiles and birds. When hunting, they strike their target with their strong jaws and then coil their bodies around their victim, constricting it until suffocation occurs. Pythons will then eat the entire animal, head first, and are capable of swallowing meals that are several times bigger than their own bodies. After such massive feasts, a potential problem is that the temperature has to be sufficiently warm for digestion to occur properly, otherwise the meal may decompose in the python’s stomach, slowly poisoning it. Pythons only need to eat a few times a year.


Behaviour
Pythons are heavily built, muscular and slow-moving. They are generally nocturnal, but can be active during the day.


Reproduction
Breeding season is June and July, and males travel long distances in search of a partner. Clutches of 15-25 eggs are laid in November. These eggs hatch after approximately 50 days and the young measure 50 cms in length.

Lifespan
Pythons live for between 10-20 years.

Threats & Conservation Status
Like all snakes, Olive Pythons are protected in Australia. Although not listed as endangered, the subspecies Pilbara Olive Python is listed as vulnerable. Unfortunately, many Olive Pythons are mistaken for the highly venomous King Brown Snake and are often killed.

More Amazing Facts
- Although pythons are non-venomous, they all have sharp, backward-pointing teeth.
- Olive Pythons can detect temperature changes of less than 1/30th of a degree Celsius.
- In the sun, their olive green scales reflect the light at different angles, causing a rainbow sheen, known as “iridescence”.

Thanks to http://www.outbackwildliferescue.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=70:olive-python-&catid=43:reptiles&Itemid=67
for the info :)

I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."

Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

Bellarine Blooms

Taken at Collendina (Old Ocean Grove) on the way down to the beach . . . lovely - feels like spring (actually with today's weather it felt more like summer!) I think our native flowers here in Australia are just beautiful. Some of these might be weeds, I don't watch Gardening Australia so can't be sure but they're still pretty to look at.

Simpsons storyboarded by Banksy

Plovers in the Hood

Cute: A Hooded Plover chick

One thing I'm going to have to get my head around more is this whole coastal system business.

In the local paper there's been these articles about Hooded Plovers and keeping dogs and other things away from beaches during certain times of year so they're not disturbed.

I guess you don't realise how fragile they would be out there on the beach.

This brochure I got has pictures of these tiny birds, just chilling in the sand - it says if the nest is threatened the parents won't go back until the danger has passed - and the eggs or chicks often starve or are killed.

It's nice to see there are steps being taken to increase the chances of chicks surviving, through things such as closing off areas of the beach to dogs and people when the birds are nesting.

It might sound a bit extreme, but I guess it's necessary given the dog-haven the Bellarine Peninsula appears to be, and I know of at least one dune-cruising dog *cough Diesel cough* and something like a nest or bird isn't going to phase him in the slightest.

It's not about getting all "greenie" or anything like that, I guess it's more common sense and seeing the logic in giving the birds some space for a couple of months while they do their thing.

Winter sun

Dog days

Just chillin'

Ocean Grove beach

Awesome foursome

From left: Astro, Duke, Holly, Diesel - they're made of sugar, you see,
they'd melt if it rained.

Forrest heartbreaker

Crumpet, the Indian Ringneck Parrot.
Famous ladies man doing his dance de l'amore.

Even the best of us get frustrated sometimes

This is one of the pics taken on the day of my dad and step-mum's wedding.
As you can see here, she'd had enough of the photography for that point in time.

Inspire me, blogosphere!

I'm done with it for now. The feeling sorry for myself stuff. Moving on time now. Really.

This one's about inspiration - and goal setting. It's gotten off to a meh-kinda start, this shindig, but my mind is clear. I want to achieve something with this forum. Maybe actually let it get to a stage where it could warrant being called a forum. Though that would mean mutual contributions, and by that I mean people actually reading this thing (ha!)

But really. I want inspiration, maybe that's what this thing could become, a means to satisfy and show the things in my head that appeal to me, whether it's visual (read: expect more photos) and something I've read (snippets, links and blatant copyright breaches packaged in an ol' cut and paste job).

Yeah. I like it. I was walking back to my car recently with my personal trainer (that's a different story) and she mentioned how crazy the moon looked at the moment (it's full) but it had these streaky clouds running across and it looked like something out of a move. She says "perfect werewolf weather" and I thought yeah, it is - maybe now's the time when they come out, I wondered if we snuck down the beach would they be surfing? Werewolves on surfboards, that'd be cool.

Hmmm. Maybe that's the new movie - An American Werewolf in Hawaii. Cos Ocean Grove just doesn't roll off the tongue as well.

I don't miss this.

That was the thought I had last weekend when I went back to Mildura.

I had to tie up some loose ends, get Diesel, take the majority of his stuff back, catch up with mates, spend some jewellery vouchers.

The end result - I don't regret any of my decisions. I saw him on the Saturday, and there was obviously shit going on - and I took one look at him and thought I don't miss this. I wasn't sure what I would feel, maybe seeing him that way helped. I dunno. He had a cut above his eye, and I asked him what had happened.

"Don't ask," was the reply.

In a past life, I would have pushed, stressed, worried, speculated about what he could have done. Now, I don't. I dont' not care, but the emotions that would have dragged me down into situation just aren't there anymore.

It's kind of liberating, being able to walk away and not feel like I should be responsible or accountable for his actions. It really pushes home my need to concentrate on me and the what hell I'm doing with things. I'm sorting it out slowly, taking my sweet time, got a second job to score some extra cash, chilling out on weekends.

No tenterhooks to be on, no pressure, just me.

(PS: And Diesel).

The semi nouveau riche?

One thing working in the welfare sector has shown me is the vast divide in classes that rears its ugly head in society. If the buzz word "generational poverty" means the same to you as it does me, I won't be offended if you zone out now.

For those woh don't know, generational poverty is a term applied to those families where generations of that family are brought up in identical circumstances. Perhaps the most prevalent example of this would be the Centrelink generation - a semi nouveau riche. These are people who are more often than not born to young mums, on the teat of the taxpayer (note the sudden change in tone?) or put more politically correctly, Centrelink benefits.

I don't want to offend anyone legitimately on benefits, let me make that clear.

Anyway. These particular children are brought up in public housing, or moving frequently from private rental to private rental. Their parents know the welfare system inside out, who gives out what, when they do and how often they can access it. They will gladly tell anyone who will listen that the government doesn't "pay" them enough (yes, they call it pay, like sitting on your bum with Foxtel, Radio Rentals and Cash Converter debts up the whazoo qualifies them to deem their cash flow of taxpayer dollars to be akin to actual paid work).

They expect everything, and contribute nothing - them as children are taught that whoever has the loudest voice, or is obnoxious enough to make a scene in public gets the best results. Then, at the ripe age of 16, they have their first child - the earlier the better, because more children equals more money, and if you're in the market or living in public housing you get a bigger house.

This sounds extremely cynical, and don't doubt me, I acknowledge that it is. For the most part it's true. I speak with the knowledge and experience of having worked in this sector for over 12 months, and you learn things fast. There is certainly room for compassion; it is a major component of our daily work. You take things with a grain of salt, give them the benefit of a doubt the first time. Then the faces become familiar, the excuses the same.

For every one case that is genuine, the exception to the rule, there are the countless others who are there to use and abuse the system that is designed to help those most in need. Like I said, this is nothing new. The simple fact of teh matter is that as long as there are allowances for this type of behaviour to continue, so it will. I'm not sure what the solution is, but I think people need to be held more accountable and educated, equipped with tools to break their own cycles of generational poverty.

In search of self

I've called time on things. He's gone home, this is it.
I need to work myself out, find out who I am. I had a massive realisation that I don't know anymore.

I think what's happened is I've given so much of myself to him, focusing on him, trying to give him every opportunity to take things up, some responsibility for what's going on and begin the plan to make things better time and time again, and every time fall back into apathy - that there's nothing left, I have nothing left to give. Things don't feel like a relationship anymore - so I've put a stop to it.

It's going to be like How Stella Got Her Groove Back, in a sense. I'm going to get to know myself again, sort some things out in my head and actually work out what I want from life. I've already decided I want to travel - I'm renewing my passport. I also want to relax - that's a major one. I wan to not have something always hanging over my head, time to just be - take things in, breathe, read, sleep - whatever grabs me.

Think of it as my mid-year resolution.

Sea views with a side of sand, garnish with freedom

Sums up the coast right now.

It's winter, well and truly and it's hit the Bellarine.

It's not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings, because you've got the bed just how you want it, it's walking on the beach and the wind that bites at your face and fills your nose with salt and sand, with seaweed and birds.

And ocean - so much ocean - it stretches forever, the ships come through the heads and the birds glide on nothing.

Here at night you can hear the sea from our house, it really is like putting a shell to your ear.

The consensus on this place? Freedom.

It's relaxing, it strolls the streets and walks its dogs on the beach.

It doesn't care what it wears (read: uggies and trackies are completing acceptable in a cafe), it drinks coffee and admires the view and wonders what the "poor" people are doing.

Feeling, thy name is resilience.

I think I've had an ephiphany of sorts.

Of sorts, it's been a realisation that in any other set of circumstances I may not have seen.

Anyway, it's  been simmering away in the background, and has finally come to a head.

He's got a problem, it's gotten to be bigger than all of us and it's at the stage that I'm at the end of it.

Everything.

I want to escape, go somewhere where nobody knows me and I can't remember, don't have to face what this is.

This would be the easy way out, but it won't happen.

I love him, but I need to be able to see a way forward from this, that has only appeared in the past couple of days.

I don't like feeling lost, hopeless like I have been.

This time last week I had come to terms with the fact that things may well have been over; we were just going through the motions as things moved towards their inevitable end.

That was last week's mindset, this week is about focusing on the positive things - there is a way forward, heaven forbid this is a dead horse we are flogging but let me know this for myself.

Chalk it up to experience.

Cos I think I do interesting things

"Can't sleep, clown will eat me"

So I bought this notebook to write stuff in.

Two purposes:

1. Perhaps the more narcissistic option - allowing me to pool info to put on this blog on an attempted semi regular basis.

Easier when I get a laptop.

2. Also narcissistic, but in a therapeutic sense - giving me an out for some of the thoughts that are constantly running through my head. At all hours.

This sounds stupid, but sometimes at night my thoughts create pictures in my head and begin to expand an an increasingly fast rate until they get so big my eyes can't stay closed.

Yeah that statement does look stupid. But why do we do these things?

I'm not sure what makes blogging and social networking so popular. Is it the need for attention - or self absorption and a delusional belief that our day-to-day activities are somehow vitally interesting to a wider audience? I came up with different theories, and will use Facebook as an example.

I think Facebook people can be divided into a few species. Another list following --->

1. Attention seekers. These come in a few sub-species: permanently depressed, characterised by a typical "woe is me" attitude that infects one's News Feed on an hourly basis; and the pure attention seekers, ones whose status updates have to document how crazy and zany we are, we're so spontaneous, let's write something everyone will comment on! (Also known as The Highly Annoying).

2. Facebook Hermits - lucky to hear from them once in a blue moon, FB Hermits join for some god known reason then you never sight them again. Waste of data and scripting really.

3. Facebook Randoms - or "common people" - I believe I fall into this category. I check in regularly, as I am also on Twitter this also automatically updates my status, I comment, post and have as many self portrait poser shots as the next user.

All that being said, I can still not articulate why I choose to social network. Keep in touch? Maybe. Serve my own sense of self-worth? Perhaps. Maybe I'll look into it some more. Maybe I'll forget about it and continue along my merry way, blogging, tweeting, and FBing over everyone and everything.

Yeah, that sounds like me.

La Coacha!

(42 days and counting)

i will not miss intake.
i will miss mocha mecca.
i will miss short commutes to and from work.
i will not miss ferals.
i will miss my awesome peeps.
i will not miss stupid drivers (i actually believe there's a law against them on the bellarine).
i will not miss the uneducated masses, i will miss being able to bitch about them.

It's the great Australian tradition

My shortlist from this year's Triple J Hottest 100 (vote at http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/hottest100/09/)

1. Angus And Julia Stone - And The Boys

2. Animal Collective - My Girls

3. Art Vs Science - Parlez Vous Francais?

4. Bat For Lashes - Daniel

5. Bertie Blackman - Byrds Of Prey

6. Cassius - Youth Speed Trouble Cigarettes

7. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home

8. Eels - Fresh Blood

9. Fever Ray - When I Grow Up

10. Flight Of The Conchords - Carol Brown

11. Florence & The Machine - Dog Days Are Over

12. Florence & The Machine - Kiss With A Fist

13. Gossip, The - Vertical Rhythm

14. Jet - She's A Genius

15. John Butler Trio - One Way Road

16. Kasabian - Underdog

17. Kid Cudi - Pursuit Of Happiness

18. La Roux - Bulletproof

19. Lisa Mitchell - Coin Laundry

20. Major Lazer - Pon De Floor

21. Metric - Help I'm Alive

22. MSTRKRFT - Bounce (Ft. N.O.R.E.)

23. Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man

24. Paul Dempsey - Have You Fallen Out Of Love

25. Paul Dempsey - Out The Airlock

26. Paul Dempsey - Ramona Was A Waitress

27. Regina Spektor - Laughing With

28. Royksopp - The Girl And The Robot (Ft. Robyn)

29. Seth Sentry - The Waitress Song

30. Sia - Buttons {CSS Remix}

31. Silversun Pickups - Panic Switch

32. Silversun Pickups - There's No Secrets This Year

33. Simian Mobile Disco - Audacity Of Huge (Ft. Chris Keating)

34. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll

Not relevant to anything, but hilarious nonetheless